Friday, May 22, 2015

Good morning crew,

This is Memorial Day weekend, and as most people know Memorial Day weekend is very popular for weddings. So popular, in fact, that the wife and I have two weddings to attend this weekend. Both on Saturday, believe it or not.

Our Saturday is going to begin about three in the afternoon when we have to drive half way across the city to sit down at my niece's ceremony. After that we will have just enough time to make a pit stop at her reception and raid the bar for a couple of free drinks before we have to drive across the city again to sit down at the reception of the wife's boss's son.

I love weddings and wedding receptions in particular. Everybody is so happy and excited and optimistic, but that is a lot of bliss for one day.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

***
"Three Southwest Airlines baggage handlers are accused of smuggling drugs in luggage. The officials became suspicious when every single one of the Southwest bags made it to its destination." -Conan O'Brien

***
"Bruce Springsteen is selling his house in Beverly Hills for around $70 million. And for that much money, the house actually comes WITH Bruce Springsteen." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"Scientists working on The Syracuse University Lava Project have discovered how to grill a steak using lava. The hard part is getting the cow up on the volcano." -Seth Meyers

***
While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with one of their planes and needed the Coast Guard to send an aircraft to find it.

I asked the man where the Navy aircraft had last been spotted so we would know where to search.

"I can't tell you," the Navy man said. "That's classified."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A supposedly true story out of San Francisco (but who knows):

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.