Friday, April 10, 2015

Good morning crew,

The filthy little animal that my wife brought home last year is really starting to make a nuisance out of herself. A fact that was illustrated this morning when I put on a pair of crotchless underwear.

The odd part is; I don't own any crotchless underwear, or at least I didn't before this little monster started living with us.

Despite the fact that there is about $100 worth of chew toys lying around the house, the mutt has figured out that she can really get our attention if she runs up to the wife or me with one of our personal items in her mouth.

She'll chew whatever she can get her little fangs on; shoes, hats or gloves (I found her running around the other day with my second degree black belt in her mouth), but she just loves socks and underwear.

And she's no dummy either (the dog, not my wife...although the wife is no dummy). If I am home she will hunt up one of my personal items, and if the wife is home the dog will hunt up one of hers.

Then she will bring it to us, chew it in front of us for a few seconds, then take off running. It was cute the first few times, but now I'm starting to run out of socks.

The other drawback to this nasty little habit is that when we do find a sock or a pair of underwear with a hole in them, the next morning somebody has to make sure that little patch of cloth ends up on the lawn and not obstructing the dog's bowel.

I'll give you one hint whose job that is; it isn't mine.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new survey found that a growing number of millennials want to work from home and get more time off. They would have said more, but they had to pick up their gold star for participating in that survey." -Jimmy Fallon

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"Someone in Utah has come down with a rare allergy to water. The person is going to be fine though because they just moved to California." -Conan O'Brien

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"A leaked memo from Apple suggests they no longer want long customer lines outside of their stores for new product releases. And they figured out how to solve that problem: they're going to release a $5,000 watch." -Seth Meyers

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I was very pregnant, and it was rotten luck when, several days before my due date, my husband fell from the porch roof, sprained both ankles and was restricted to crutches. So when I went into labor and he couldn't drive, I took the wheel, stopping every time I had a contraction.

Finally, we got to the hospital. I dropped him at the maternity entrace, and he hobbled off to the admitting desk, where the nurse told him to go to the emergency room.

No, it's my wife," he told her. "She's in Labor."

"Where is she?" the nurse asked.

"She's parking the car and bringing in the bags."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
"I've got 3 TVs, cable, AND a satellite dish; I have 2 phone lines in the house, a cell phone and a pager.

I use 2 computers, 3 ISPs and a fax. I subscribe to the daily paper and the Sunday. I watch both the local & network news every evening.

And my kids have the nerve to tell me I'm out of touch!"