Monday, April 11, 2011
Good morning crew,
Talk about being distracted. I don't even remember doing
it, but apparently I left my truck window half open over
night, and of course it rained.
By the time I got to work this morning my pants were soaked
from the back of my knees to my belt.
Not a good start to the week.
Laugh it up,
Joe
mailto:joe@gophercentral.com
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"Yesterday, a group of scientists warned that because of
global warming, sea levels will rise so much that parts of
New Jersey will be under water. The bad news? Parts of New
Jersey won't be under water." --Conan O'Brien
***
"It's always the same with new inventions. I can remember
when calculators came out. We weren't allowed to use them
in school. The teachers would say, 'Calculators prevent
you from learning arithmetic.' I'd say, 'I'm going into
show business.' 'Well, you'll need arithmetic to count
your crushed dreams.'" -Craig Ferguson
***
"Here's a great story: A guy in Alaska goes fishing and he
catches a 90-year-old fish, a 90-year-old fish. You know,
I look at it this way ? if I want a 90-year-old fish, I'll
just order the seafood platter at Red Lobster."
-Dave Letterman
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To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should
switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk. When she
said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested
that she keep their regular container and refill it with
skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter
asked one morning whether the milk was okay.
"Sure, it's fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been
found out. "Why do you ask?"
The daughter explained, "Well, according to the expiration
date, this milk expired six months ago!"
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
A fellow and his wife living in Houston, Texas, where the
people are all patriots, were blessed with the birth of
twins, two identical girls. These twins were born on the 4th
of July, and the father, being patriotic, said to his wife,
"We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the pledge of
alligence".
His wife said, "Are you nuts? You can't have girls going
through life with names like Liberty and Justice. We are
going to name them regular girl's names like Mary or Jane".
Well, the argument went on for about a month, when a compro-
mise was reached. They would each name one of the girls. The
man chose Liberty and the wife picked Elizabeth.
As the girls grew, they were so identical, they kept pulling
tricks on people who couldn't tell them apart.
Finally, when they were about 18, a young man took interest
in them. He would take one out on a date but he was never
sure which one he was with.
He decided he would marry at least one of them, but he wasn't
sure which one he would marry.
He went to the girls father and explained his quandry.
"I love your daughters and want to marry one of them, but I
can't tell them apart, so I will leave it up to you...
Give me Liberty or give me Beth."
____________________________________________________________
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