Monday, June 29, 2015

Good morning crew,

Well, I survived the beer and sausage fest. It wasn't hard. I only got six drink tickets and I wasn't able to get to the food.

That is a slight exaggeration. The food lines were about 30 or 40 minutes long, which made it merely inconvenient to get food, not impossible. The real problem was that it only takes me 15 minutes to drink a beer, which really makes a 40 minute food line a punishment.

But I had a strategy. You see the event was only three hours long, so I forecast that everybody would rush the food tents in the first couple of hours. Nobody was going to pay the full price just to come sauntering in for the last hour which would mean that by the end of the event the food tents would be deserted.

And I was right. By the last hour I was able to walk right up and sample whatever cold sausages nobody else wanted to eat.

But after 2 and a half hours in the sun drinking micro-brewed craft beer on an empty stomach, a cold, vegetarian andouille chipotle sausage is as good as a feast!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A rare fish normally found only in the Amazon was caught yesterday in a New Jersey pond. Researchers believe the fish got to New Jersey the same way as everyone else: by giving up." -Seth Meyers

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"Some people paid more than $300 for tickets to go to the NBA draft, just to sit there and watch the draft. Also, it's really your one chance to stand up and shout, 'Is it me or is there a draft in here?'" -Jimmy Kimmel

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"According to a new survey, Pizza Hut's new hot dog pizza is the second worst pizza in America. Which explains their new slogan: 'Pizza Hut - not the worst pizza in America.'" --Conan O'Brien

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My wife cannot ride in a car without telling whoever is driving what to do, when to do it, etc. She is, bar none, the worst back seat driver in the world. I have long thought this, though she would deny it. She claimed she seldom, if ever made comments about my driving. I, of course, claimed the opposite. Now I have proof.

The other day we were headed for the mall and my daughter piped up, "Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
On vacation, a man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a snack at the restaurant, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.

She lies down on the bed... just then, a train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. But just a few minutes later a train again shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager who says he'll be right up.

The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife.

Just then the husband walks in. He takes one look at the manager lying in bed with his wife and yells, "Hey! What are you doing in here!?"

The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"