Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Good morning crew,

What an absolutely beautiful, idyllic summer day it is here in the Chicagoland area. It is about 78 degrees, with low humidity. The sun is shining and a gentle, sweet-smelling breeze is blowing the occasional fluffy, white cloud around just a brilliant, azure sky.

I have been reading all about it while I've been sitting here inside the office all day.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new report claims that William Shakespeare was a marijuana user and may have been high when he wrote some of his plays. Which explains that one line: 'To be, or not to be... Wait, what was the question?'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"For the first time American astronauts on the International Space Station ate vegetables grown in space. In other words, even space is getting more rain than California." -Conan O'Brien

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"A Florida man was arrested for throwing potato salad at a nail salon. During his arrest, he said, 'I've been drinking and taking Xanax. What do you expect me to do?' Well, not that, although I do sympathize. When I was trying to give up carbs, I once threw a bowl of spaghetti at a karate studio." -James Corden

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A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk.

"Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk.

"Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Two older, successful businessmen met at a resort. One who had recently retired was describing his life, "I get up late in the morning, have a light breakfast and then I lie down on my veranda for a few hours and relax.

In the afternoon I go inside for lunch, have a great salad, fruits and cold fish, then I spend the rest of the afternoon boating or playing golf or tennis...

When it starts to get dark I have a great dinner with the finest wines. I smoke a Cuban cigar. Then I go lie on my veranda again."

The other gentleman acknowledges that this is a life to be envied. Later he reported the conversation to his wife. She asked, "What's his wife's name?"

Her husband said, "I'm not sure, but I think it's Veranda."