Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Good morning crew,

For anybody who lives in Illinois, the state lottery jackpot is now $24 million. It starts at $2 million, but it has been months since anybody has won, so it keeps rolling over.

It's odd. When the economy is bad and unemployment is up, the lottery always does well. I guess everybody who is staring at the business end of a foreclosure or who has been unemployed for 6 or 12 months starts to think that 1 in 10,000,000 are good odds. Suckers.

I should know. My numbers didn't win last weekend. Or the weekend before that. Or the weekend before that. Or the weekend before that...

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!


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"British scientists are now seeking permission to fuse human cells with rabbit eggs. Their goal is to create a human with a lucky foot." --Jay Leno

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"General Motors is producing a driver-less car. Here's my fear: I'll buy one of those driver-less cars, and I'll be home on a Saturday night, and the car will out driving without me!" -David Letterman

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"This week in Texas, a fire broke out in a warehouse destroying 2,000 pounds of marijuana. Officials say more than 60 firefighters and 2,000 college students responded to the blaze." -Conan O'Brien

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Walter arrived at his office late one morning and was greeted with giggles from the pretty young receptionist.

"What are you laughing at?" asked Walter.

"There's a big black smudge on your face," said the girl.

"Oh, that!" said Walter. "That's easy to explain. I saw my wife off on a two-week vacation this morning; I took her to the station and kissed her good-bye."

"But what about the smudge?"

"As soon as she got on board, I ran up and kissed the engine."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My son, Scott, an insurance broker in Florida, loves ocean fishing and takes his cell phone along on the boat. One morning we were drifting about ten miles offshore as Scott discussed business on the phone.

Suddenly his rod bent double, and the reel screamed as line poured off the spool. Scott was master of the situation. "Pardon me," he told his customer calmly. "I have a call on another line."