Monday, February 24, 2014

Good morning crew,

Well, the weekend was a success...mostly. The taxes got done, and while we found out that we are paying more since we are married we decided to stick it out for another year.

Then at the gun range we watched a woman almost shoot one of her toes off, which was exciting, and later that night I actually made it through an entire party without embarrassing myself or getting punched in the head or slapped.

I guess marriage really is mellowing me out.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Making his first visit to our show tonight is Bill O'Reilly. Bill is here to promote his book 'Killing Jesus.' I'm going to have to tell him someone else did a book on that subject and it sold quite well." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"A new study of online dating profiles reveals that women respond 31 percent better to men who use the word 'whom.' Frankly, I don't know whom these men are, or whom they're trying to impress." -Conan O'Brien

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"Charlie Sheen announced that he is getting married for the fourth time. Charlie said, 'I just know this is the woman I'm going to be with for the rest of my February.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food & fire area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just watching.

Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea! They could sit on top of the boulders and get a better view of their wives working.

This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to television...and later to the remote control.

[From Dave Barry.]


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview.

Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else. It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, however, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe."