Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Good morning crew,
I have run into a little snag with my workout routine. Before I joined the health club I would come home on a weekday, sit down on the sofa and say to myself, 'I haven't done a damn thing all day,' whereupon I would guilt myself into eating a can of tuna with a couple slices of whole wheat bread and a glass of lemon water for my dinner.
Now I come home from the health club on a weekday and say to myself, 'I just did 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic exercise and weight training. I OWE myself a half a pizza and six beers.'
I think I'm actually gaining weight.
It's strictly a problem of will power and determination; which means the obvious solution is to quit the health club.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.com
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"A couple in Ohio yesterday ran a half marathon immediately after getting married at the starting line. Ha, usually you're married a lot longer than that before you hear a gunshot." -Seth Meyers
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"Today is Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, also known as No Work Gets Done Day. I wonder if anyone has ever been fired on 'take your kid to work day.' Just imagine, 'Ron, will you and your daughter step into my office please?' That would be a lesson about what it is like to work." -Jimmy Kimmel
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"A U.N. study claims the happiest country in the world is Switzerland. When asked why they're so happy, Swiss people couldn't answer because their hands were counting money and their mouths were full of chocolate." -Conan O'Brien
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My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle.
An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup. Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy is she r-u-d-e!"
"Yeah," he replied, "but I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian.
She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped.
I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right.
"I'm fine," she assured me, "but if that dog hadn't honked..."