Monday, August 25, 2014

Good morning crew,

I was in Target the other day, shopping with the wife. We were walking past the furniture section where there were several different models of bar stools on display. Next to them there was a sign that read: "All models in stock now!"

So I paused next to the display and said, "Do you know what these are?"

"What?" she asked.

I said, "Stool samples."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"In response to criticism of its treatment of killer whales, SeaWorld said it will build them a larger habitat. When asked for comment, a killer whale said, 'Hey, you know what's a larger habitat? The ocean!'" -Conan O'Brien

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"Yankee Stadium says it will start adding metal detectors as a way to beef up security. And then they went back to selling beer and baseball bats to New Yorkers." -Jimmy Fallon

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"Summer is nearly over and it's back-to-school time. If you can, send your kids to college so they get a degree and at least then they will know what kind of work they're out of." -Dave Letterman

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My son had absentmindedly left his sneakers on our kitchen table. "That's disgusting," my husband yelled. "Doesn't he realize that we eat off that table?"

Then he went back to work on the car. I cleaned the table and left to do my grocery shopping. When I came home, I couldn't set my bags down anywhere. Sitting in the middle of the kitchen table was a carburetor.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice.

He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:

"Put two drops in R ear every four hours."