Thursday, November 22, 2012

Good morning crew,

I'm writing this on Wednesday, so I can only assume that by now I am relaxing at the in-law's house, sipping on my first (or second or third) aperitif and casually directing the preparation of the sweet potato casserole that I promised my wife would make by way of contribution to the meal.

All the while the succulent aromas of roasting turkey and bubbling gravy will be filling the house, acting as an effective appetizer, whetting everyone's palate for the gastronomic celebration about to ensue.

What will probably happen is that I will have a little too much to drink on an empty stomach, tell some off-color jokes making everybody uncomfortable and then we will eat in an awkward silence until my wife's parents drop some pointed hints that we should leave so they can go to the casino.

Hope you have a great holiday!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button... 'Like' Deal of the Day Here

***
"For the first time ever, more than half of all senior citizens in the U.S. are using the Internet. Yeah, I read that when my grandma sent the entire story to me in the subject line of an email." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"People around the world think America is the coolest country. Now if you'll excuse me, I have an explosion to walk away from while I put on sunglasses in slow motion." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
There has been a lot of talk about conserving energy. Like keeping the thermostat down in the winter. Using low energy bulbs. Turning off lights. Using less gas. It made me realize, my dad was like the first environmentalist. He would walk around the house yelling, 'turn off those lights! Turn the heat down!' He was green before his time." -Jay Leno

***
On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured. We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt.

Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast.

Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey.

She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing.

When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!