Friday, April 29, 2016

Good morning crew,

Payday today. Tonight I think I'll blow some of what's left of my check on dinner for the wife. She bought me dinner two nights this week and I feel like I owe her.

Tuesday night she brought me home a burrito and last night she bought me some beef fried rice.

So tonight I think take her to "Greasy Joe's" Bar & Pizzeria, right around the corner from the liquor store and the tattoo parlour. Friday nights from 4 to 6 they have half priced domestic bottles of beer and free day-old pizza and chicken wings.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"There is a new trend in U.K. corporate policy where employees are being given paid time off so that they can acclimate a new pet to their home. They're calling it 'pawternity' leave. Paid time off for pets should not be a thing. Here is how that discussion should go: 'Excuse me, boss, I want to get a new dog, but I need a week off to bond with the animal.' And your boss goes, 'Oh, OK, cool. You're fired.'" -James Corden

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"A new Swiss airplane called Solar Impulse 2 crossed the Pacific Ocean this weekend using only solar energy. Said the pilot right before takeoff, 'Wait, Solar Impulse 2?'" -Seth Meyers

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"A teacher in Arkansas is in trouble for giving alcohol to underage students. But to be fair, just because you're in fifth grade in Arkansas, it doesn't necessarily mean you're under 21." -Conan O'Brien

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A supposedly true story out of San Francisco (but who knows):

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A young man applied for a job at a new factory being built in a nearby town. He entered the main office, where the receptionist directed him down the hall to an office where he was to be interviewed by the Personnel Officer.

After several minutes of describing and explaining all about the new factory, the Personnel Officer told the young man, "We need individuals who are totally responsible."

The young man grinned and responded: "Well, I sure qualify. Everywhere I've worked, when something went wrong, I was always responsible!"