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Friday, October 14, 2016

Good morning crew,

For some reason I have really had a taste for wiener schnitzel recently. Maybe because the wiener schnitzel I had in Austria, the home of the schnitzel, was so disappointing.

Anyway, I think I'll recruit the wife to go to the Rosemont Hofbrauhaus with me this weekend. That's a Chicago style schnitzel; as big as your head and five times as likely to induce a heart attack.

Maybe the beer isn't quite as good as the original Hofbrau in Germany, but I'll make do.

Laugh it up,


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"Paris Hilton just bought an $8,000 Chihuahua. The dog weighs 12 ounces. I've eaten hot dogs that weigh more than 12 ounces. That's not even officially a dog, that's a hamster; she spent eight grand on a hamster." -Jimmy Kimmel


"A new study estimates that Pokemon Go players took over 100 billion steps in the last three months. Unfortunately not one of them was toward a date." -Seth Meyers


"A new study finds that having acne could be a good thing because it protects your skin from aging. And then teenagers were like, 'Right now it just feels like it's protecting me from girls.'" -Jimmy Fallon


Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart. As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her, "You're in great shape. You must work out a lot."

Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, "Oh, thank you so much!"

The next day a different young woman was driving the cart. "Watch this," I whispered. I walked up to her and said, "Wow, you look great. You must work out a lot."

"Yeah," she replied flatly. "You should try it."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

I was walking past an alley last night, when I heard, "Help! Help!" coming from behind a dumpster. Two thugs were trying to steal an old lady's handbag, but she was putting up a heck of a fight and wouldn't let go.

I wondered if I should get involved, or keep walking and pretend I didn't see anything.

I finally decided that I should help.

She was one tough old lady, but the three of us finally got that handbag.

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