Monday, January 5, 2015

Good morning crew,

What luck. The poor wife has been sick for five days! She woke up feeling a bit under the weather on Thursday, the first, and has been going down hill from there.

She even went to work Saturday afternoon, despite my caution that she should stay home, which wiped her out so bad she could barely get off the sofa on Sunday.

So I felt compelled to spend the entire weekend in my bathrobe with her. You know, for solidarity. This put me in an interesting situation Sunday night when we ordered a pizza.

It had been snowing on and off all afternoon, and I didn't want the poor pizza guy slipping and breaking his neck on the front porch. On the other hand, I didn't want to go through the effort of actually getting dressed to shovel. Considering that the front porch and walkway is only about 30 feet I determined that I could get it shoveled wearing only my bathrobe and galoshes before any serious hypothermia set in.

I was pretty successful, too. The only snag in my plan popped up when I realized that I was completely unprepared for the thin layer of ice left over on the front porch after I shoveled.

With pictures of getting sued dancing in my head I was standing outside in my bathrobe sprinkling gourmet artisan sea salt at $7.99 a half-pound on the front porch just as the pizza guy walked up.

I have to admit, the guy was a professional. He didn't even bat an eye when I opened my robe and dug into my Batman pajama pants to hand him a wad of bills.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity." --Frank Leahy

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We haven't crossed that subtle line between childhood and adulthood until we stop saying 'It got lost' and say 'I lost it.' --Sydney Harris

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"Honestly must be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second best policy." -George Carlin

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A man commissioned Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife. Startled by a huge nonrepresentational image on the canvas, the woman's husband complained, "That isn't how she really looks."

When asked by the great painter how she really looked, the man produced a photograph from his wallet. Returning the photo Picasso observed, "Small, isn't she?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
"You're too good for him." -Sign over mirror in Women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA.

"No wonder you always go home alone." -Sign over mirror in Men's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA.