Thursday, July 4, 2013

Good morning crew,

Today is Independence Day and that means we have the day off. We're still mailing though, as you can see, but hopefully you're out enjoying yourself somewhere right now. You can read this tomorrow!

Today the wife and I are at the big party at Cousin Kaz's house. Practically the whole family will be there. At this time last year we were only married three weeks. That means this year everyone will be asking how our first year of marriage has been. I know what the appropriate responses are. Things like, "Wow, has it been a year already? It seems like just yesterday." Or maybe, "Just a blessing, a real blessing."

But maybe I will have some fun with it. Nobody will expect it if I say something like, "Well, if I can make it through six beers after work I'm usually numb enough to go home." Or, "Now I know what indentured servitude feels like."

Sure, the wife might be a little humiliated and I'll be in trouble when we get home, but sometimes comedy has consequences.

If there are any exciting adventures I'll fill you in on the details next week.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"We're celebrating our independence from the British. I hope that in a couple years, we'll be able to celebrate our independence from the Chinese." -David Letterman

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"Six half-marathon runners were hospitalized yesterday for running in 100 degree heat. They were rushed to a mental hospital." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"According to a Twitter study, people are happiest on the weekends and when their workday is over. They also discovered that if you stand in front of a moving train, it will kill you." -Jay Leno

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Light bulb jokes are an innocent way to poke fun -- or so I thought. Working as a sound technician, I asked an electrician, who was also the local union steward: "Hey, Mike. How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?"

I expected the classic answer: "Twelve. You got a problem with that?" But Mike replied in all seriousness, "None. Teamsters shouldn't be touching light bulbs."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
I was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped me with a drink order. I approached the bartender. "Have you ever heard of a drink called 'Seven Young Blondes'?" I asked. He admitted he'd never heard of it, and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked me to go back and tell the patron that he'd be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him. "Sir," I asked the customer, "can you tell me what's in that drink?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "It's wine," he said, pronouncing his words carefully, "Sauvignon blanc."