Monday, November 10, 2014

Good morning crew,

Sometimes I think I'm particularly brilliant. Usually I'm wrong. Last night I bought some apples to bring to work today and put them in the refrigerator. But out of sight, out of mind. I was afraid that I would forget to bring them if they weren't right under my nose, so I did the next logical thing. I put my car keys in the fridge with them. Won't be getting far without those car keys, right?

I guess not. I was in a bit of a hurry this morning and as I was dashing out the door I noticed my keys weren't in their usual place. After scrambling around for a couple of minutes I resigned myself to being an idiot and dug out my spare set from the junk drawer in the kitchen.

The part I'm really depressed about is that I didn't remember what I had done with those stupid keys until I saw a spam email this morning about a discount colon cleanser.

Who would buy a discount colon cleanser though an email?

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new study shows that despite previous estimates there are only 2 million rats living in New York City. I guess the other 10 million are commuting from New Jersey." -Seth Meyers

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"Starbucks had a disappointing quarter revenue-wise. They might want to reconsider their business model of selling one mini-muffin to an unemployed writer who then sits there for 10 hours working on his screenplay without buying anything else." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson." -Conan O'Brien

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A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions.

"For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?"

The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two."

"Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My wife and I were making our own funeral arrangements, and the director showed us into a room in which containers for ashes were on display.

After we looked at the choices, I asked my wife if she had decided.

She sighed. "Yes, the wood-finish one, as it will likely go into the ground."

After a moment's pause, however, she continued. "But I really prefer the blue one. You know I always look good in blue."