Thursday, July 3, 2014

Good morning crew,

Tomorrow is Independence Day. Huzzah for the Republic! We will be taking the day off tomorrow along with the rest of the country so I will give you my well-wishes for a safe holiday today.

As a special Fourth of July treat I'm going to tell you how to make your very own launch vehicle using nothing more than a soup can, a few fire-crackers and a little water.

This is something we used to do as kids after we promised our parents we wouldn't play with firecrackers, so I'm warning you before-hand, DO NOT blow your fingers off! And if you happen to live in a state where fireworks are prohibited...you'll just have to move.

So you take your soup can (with only one end removed) and using a Philips head screw-driver puncture a small hole in the solid end as near to the center as you can manage.

Into this hole place your firecracker (with the wick on the outside of the can, of course). The fit should be as tight as possible. If you've made the hole too big, I'm sorry, you'll have to start over with a whole new can.

When we were feeling like real rocket scientists, as kids, we would seal the firecracker in the hole with candle wax, but there is really not much improvement in performance.

Once you have your rocket complete, place the assembly in a shallow pan of water in an open area, ignite your propellant, and TAKE COVER!

If you've done everything right you should get 15-20 feet of altitude out of it. And if you want to send a passenger up you can tape a little, green army guy to the can, but this will throw off the trajectory.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing, and the lawn mower is broken.

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"It's better to have loved and lost a short person than never to have loved a tall." --David Chambless

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"I think a secure profession for young people is history teacher, because in the future, there will be so much more of it to teach." --Bill Muse

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During lunch, an ad for a lending institution came on the television set in our employees' lounge. As the commercial extolled the pleasures of extra money, I remarked that there was no such thing as "extra" money.

"Yes, there is," my supervisor retorted. "It's what you have right before your car breaks down."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Many patients call the pathology group where I am office manager to discuss their medical bills. One irate woman demanded that I describe every laboratory test on her statement.

Reluctantly, I complied. Starting with the first test on her bill, I read, "No. 1, urinalysis."

She interrupted me at once. "I'm a what?"