Friday, June 10, 2016

Good morning crew,

It is my brother Nino's birthday this weekend. Happy birthday to him! He is a seasoned %#-years-old. Old enough to have the wisdom of experience, but still young enough to display a little youthful recklessness.

Speaking of which, his wife is taking him to dinner somewhere downtown Chicago and she invited the wife and I to go along. And since nobody wants the responsibility of driving they are going to take the train downtown.

I haven't taken public transportation in 20 years and I don't remember any of the protocol. Am I supposed to tip the driver? Does everybody carry a firearms now?

Ah, well, I suppose I'll figure it out. I'll fill you in on any stories next week.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new survey found that the average American child watches 24 hours of TV every week. In fact, experts say it's important for parents to lay down the law and tell their kids to get outside and look at their phones." --Jimmy Fallon

***
"Scientists believe the first modern Europeans mated with Neanderthals. This is the oldest evidence yet of beer goggles." -Conan O'Brien

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"A new study suggests that marriage is more beneficial for men than women. The results of the study were shouted at me through a locked bedroom door." -Seth Meyers

***
Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.

"Well," said Eric, "I ran afoul of one of those trick questions women ask. Now I'm in deep trouble at home."

"What kind of question?" asked Tom.

"My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly."

"That's easy," said Tom. "You just say 'Of course I will'".

"Yeah," said Eric, "That's what I did, except I said, 'Of course I DO....'"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort.

"Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated."

Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer.

I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?"

She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"