Monday, March 11, 2013

Good morning crew,

Well, at the last minute I went from assisting in the black belt test on Saturday to participating.

I could have said no and tested for my taekwondo second degree in June, like I was originally planning, but when the master suggested I test now I thought, 'Eh, I'm mostly prepared, and I can fake my way through the rest of it.'

As it turned out I was not mostly prepared. In fact, I was in worse shape than I even imagined. Oh, I knew the self defense techniques and the fighting forms well enough, but what I couldn't handle was the physical requirement.

90 minutes of calisthenics including; push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, squats and a few other diabolical exercises, followed by a 3 mile run, was just the warm up for four rounds of sparring, followed by all of the actual martial arts techniques and finally board breaking.

Five hours.

When it was finally done I had a hard time standing up, and that is not an exaggeration. In fact, I'm having a hard time standing up today. But, I finished it.

The wife was very supportive, too. She even took me out to dinner afterward. Unfortunately I fell asleep at the table in between the appetizer and the main course and the waitress threatened to throw us out because she thought I was drunk.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The federal government has a new plan that will let people send texts to 911. Yeah, it's a little frustrating when you try to text, 'Burglar! Please hurry!,' and it auto-corrects to, 'Burger, please. Hungry.'" -Jimmy Fallon

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"Last week horse meat was discovered in IKEA's meat balls. Today it was discovered in IKEA's hot dogs. This is making me think twice about taking my family to dinner at a furniture store." -Conan O'Brien

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"New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has a new crusade. He wants people to stop listening to loud music in their headphones. Wasn't that the plot of 'Footloose'?" -Jimmy Kimmel

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English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors and posted them on their web site:

"He swept the rug under the carpet."
"She's burning the midnight oil at both ends."
"It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire."
"It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard."
"She's robbing Peter to pay the piper."
"He's up a tree without a paddle."
"Beware my friend...you are skating on hot water."
"Keep your ear to the grindstone."
"Sometimes you've gotta stick your neck out on a limb."
"Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Do you take the bible literally? If so, here are a few questions:

1. Do you really believe that Mary was the virgin mother of Jesus?

2. Is Jesus the Lamb of God?

3. Does this mean that Mary had a little lamb?