Monday, October 29, 2012

Good morning crew,

So I did let myself get talked into going out for fondue with the girls on Saturday night after all. I had never been to a fondue restaurant before and as soon as I walked into the place the enveloping smell of boiling oil so turned me off that I didn't even bother to eat it. I had a salad while everybody else was jacking their cholesterol up.

That's not the real story anyway. The real story was the drive up there. Since this was the wife's night out she made all of the preparations, including the directions which she got from the Internet.

Now some people might call me obsessive, maybe even compulsive, but I do not like to step foot out of the house without knowing exactly where I am going. This frequently involves reading the directions, looking up maps and even drawing maps for myself when I am in unfamiliar territory.

The wife, however, is not burdened by this personality disorder. When we left the house Saturday night she was armed with everything she needed by way of directions scribbled out on the back of a matchbook.

Consequently we drove in exactly the opposite direction for about a half hour before we figured out we were going the wrong way. So we reached the restaurant about an hour late. I thought this was going to be a blessing is disguise, but unfortunately it turned out that everybody waited for us to order.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A recent study has found that more senior citizens than ever are entering college. College faculty says that the seniors are like any other students...except they take Jell-O shots just for the Jell-O." --Conan O'Brien

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"I want to get this off my chest: For the past 20 years, I have been using performance-enhancing vodka." -David Letterman

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"Japanese researchers have successfully grown hair on a bald mouse. The researchers are ecstatic, and the mouse is relieved he doesn't have to keep wearing that stupid toupee." -Conan O'Brien

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One hot afternoon, while touring the Canyonlands of southern Utah, my husband and I pulled into the only hotel in a small town. While signing the register, we asked the young woman behind the desk if our room was air-conditioned.

When she shook her head no, we hesitated, wondering if we should push on to the next town. Sensing our doubt, she brightened as she came up with a solution. "Just turn on the heater," she suggested. "Our customers tell us all that comes out is cold air anyway."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?"

One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury."

But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."

Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast."

Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..."

Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."

Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land." And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord."