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Friday, July 1, 2016

Good morning crew,

Yesterday afternoon I was standing around the taekwondo school after class saying goodbye to the kids and their parents.

"Have a good weekend," I was saying as little groups trickled out of the door.

"Happy Independence Day...

"Down with the Stamp Act...

"Down with the Quartering Act...

"Down with King George..."

They were mostly ignoring me, but at that last line one mom gave me a kind of queer look and said, "Who's King George?"

"King George III was king of England in 1776," I answered.

She gave me a disapproving look and leaned over to whisper, "It's not polite to make fun of dead people."

Laugh it up,


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"Toyota announced another massive recall because their airbags can explode at any moment. Toyota then said, 'Enjoy your holiday weekend.'" -Conan O'Brien


"The Fourth of July holiday weekend is almost upon us. The original Brexit is the Fourth of July. It's my favorite holiday. You don't have to wrap anything, other than bacon around a hot dog." -Jimmy Kimmel


"A new survey found that half of all American employees have faked a sick day. While the other half have just lied on a survey." -Jimmy Fallon


A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember."

So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat... So every year that you age, she only ages half a year?" My co-worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Two guys who worked together were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, the first guy said, "Panty stitcher...I sew the elastic onto women's panties."

The clerk looked up panty stitcher in her table. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

The second guy was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied.

Diesel fitter is listed as a skilled job, so the clerk gave the second guy $600 a week. When the first guy found out he was furious. He stormed into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled, and diesel fitters are skilled labor."

"What skill?!" yelled the panty stitcher. "I sew the elastic, and he pulls on it and says, "Yep, dese'll fit 'er."

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