Friday, March 25, 2016

Good morning crew,

One of the customer service girls here in the office was extolling all of the features and benefits of her Fitbit. In case you don't know what that is (like I didn't), it is a device you wear on your wrist which tracks how much you move in a day - among other things - so you know if you are being too sedentary.

It also tracks you heart rate, your biorhythms, and all sorts of other things no one ever uses. Well, no one except for this particular young lady.

"This thing does everything. Look," she said, pulling out her phone, "I downloaded this data this morning."

She showed me a bar graph on her phone's screen.

"Impressive," I said. "What is it?"

"This is a graph of my activity last night," she explained as if I were a little slow. "This shows when I went to bed. You see this peak here? This is when I got up for five minutes to get a glass of water and go to the bathroom. And this is when I got up this morning. It shows I slept a total of 6 hours and 45 minutes."

She gave me a moment to soak in the miracle of technology that tracks her nighttime bathroom breaks.

I shrugged. "I have a device that does the same thing."

"You have a Fitbit?" she asked me.

"No," I said. "It's called a clock."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A new study came out that says drinking more beer could lower women's risk of a heart attack by 30 percent. The study was conducted by the Institute of Things to Tell That Hot Woman at a Party." -Conan O'Brien

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"Researchers have studied a fish in Thailand and found that it has developed bones on its pelvis that can allow it to walk -- and sing." -Seth Meyers

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"A new study found that women with natural blonde hair had a higher average IQ score than brunettes and redheads. So, for you natural blondes out there, a higher IQ means you're smarter. " -Jimmy Fallon

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A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this!" and she goes downstairs.

She finally comes back up to bed and her husband asks, "The dog is STILL barking, what were you doing out there?"

The blonde says, "I put the dog in our backyard. Let's see how THEY like it!"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.

Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand...

The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I'm not sure, but I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."