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Friday, April 21, 2017

Good morning crew,

We've run into a little snag in our landscaping project. It occurred to me that if I dump a couple tons of stone up against the fence, I will just have to dig it back up again when I get around to replacing the warped boards, and re-staining the whole thing.

So the landscaping project is now on hold until the fence project is complete. That means tonight I have to go to the home improvement store and buy a half dozen gallons of primer and stain, some sand paper, paint brushes and rollers, and drop cloths. And I need to find somebody I can borrow a pressure washer from.

At least I won't be bored this weekend.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Scientists are now claiming that every hour spent running increases your lifespan by seven hours. In other words, a majority of Americans died three years ago." -Conan O'Brien

***

"A high school boy in Georgia got the local police to help him stage a drug bust in order to ask a girl to prom. The police say they loved helping the two with the prom-posal, and look forward to seeing them together on prom night when they arrest them for underage drinking." -James Corden

***

"Tax Day normally falls on April 15, but they moved it this year because the 15th was a Saturday, and I think it's illegal to make people do math on Saturdays. It's weird that the government more or less just trusts us to tell them how much we owe them. A restaurant wouldn't do that." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.

"Can I talk to a real person?" a caller asked.

"I am real," I said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the caller said. "That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something?"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

As I serviced an alarm system at a jewelry store recently, the saleswoman let me know that the store was having a 20 percent off sale.

"I bet your girlfriend would love it if you bought her something." she suggested.

"I don't have a girlfriend," I answered.

"No girlfriend? Why not?"

"My wife won't let me."

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