Friday, March 11, 2016
Good morning crew,
This Sunday Daylight Saving Time begins, so everyone will be losing an hour of sleep. Unless, of course, you're like me and you take advantage of Sundays to sleep until 9 or 10, in which case it won't make any difference to you at all.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.com
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"Some parents across the country are worried after certain brands of sippy cups have started growing mold inside the mouthpiece valves. While other parents on their third child said, 'Just scrape it off if it tastes funny.'" -Seth Meyers
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"In Florida, a drunk half-naked woman crashed her car into a Waffle House. Just a reminder, once again Florida will likely determine who our next president is." -Conan O'Brien
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"Brace yourself, because Kraft has announced that they've gone natural. I first assumed that natural meant they were doing their products in the buff. But they mean they have removed all artificial preservatives, flavors, and dyes from their classic Mac and Cheese recipe. I don't get it. I was not aware, first of all, that a packet of orange dust was a technically a recipe." -Stephen Colbert
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The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Signs of the times
SIGN IN A SHOE REPAIR STORE:
"We will heel you
We will save your sole
We will even dye for you."
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
On a Septic Tank Truck:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"
At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."
On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."
In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."
In a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak."