Monday, February 15, 2016
Good morning crew,
Okay, so I'm no Jean-Claude Killy, but I don't mind saying I picked up my ski legs pretty quickly last Friday when the wife and I went skiing with her sister and her sister's kids. Of course, I didn't start out very confidently.
I had a bad premonition right from the start when I climbed into my sister-in-law's minivan at 9:30 in the morning and her little daughter Meghan who was sitting right behind me immediately began slapping the top of my head.
"Now Meghan," I said in my strictest, disapproving uncle voice, "we're going to be in this car for over two hours. We have to be polite to each other or nobody is going to enjoy this trip."
"My name's Amber," she said, sticking her tongue out at me and kicking the back of my seat.
So I made the wife switch seats with me. At least the drive up to Wisconsin was uneventful after that.
The resort, on the other hand, was a mad house. Apparently we got there about 20 minutes behind the morning rush because the line was 50 people long for everything.
It took about 15 minutes just to register and that was the quickest part of the whole process. The line to pick up ski boots was a half hour long, and then came the job of putting the torture devices on our feet.
If you have never been skiing before, the ski boots are designed to keep your foot and ankle completely immobile. The purpose of this is to keep your ankles from snapping like twigs when you try to turn those 5-foot long skis through the snow, but the disadvantage is that it is impossible to walk without looking like the Frankenstein monster.
By the time we got booted up and girded with our snow pants, scarves, gloves, hats, goggles and masks, we all heel-toed on teetering legs to the ski line.
This one was twice as long as the boot line and was made even worse by the crushing pressure on our toes from the ski boots and the sweat trickling down our backs from the four layers of clothes we were wearing.
After about a million years we finally made it to the front of the line and got the last pieces of our equipment. Juggling skis and poles we stomped through the final doors and out into the dazzling sunlight of the slopes. It was one-thirty in the afternoon, two solid hours after we pulled into the parking lot.
I'd like to say that things improved after that, but there were still a couple challenges to overcome. I'll tell you about those next time.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.com
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"A prop phaser gun from the Star Trek TV show recently sold for $231,000 at an auction making it the most expensive thing you can point at someone right before they beat the crap out of you." -Jimmy Fallon
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"Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their textbooks. Let me save you some time. They're not." -Jimmy Kimmel
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"A new study came out that shows that the germiest place in your kitchen is the refrigerator's vegetable drawer. After hearing this, most Americans said, 'We have a vegetable drawer?'" -Conan O'Brien
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No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet.
The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double-checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A father and son went fishing one day. After a couple hours in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him.
He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"
The father thought for a moment, then replied, "Don't rightly know, son."
The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breathe underwater?"
Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."
A little later the boy asked his father, "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."
Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything!"