Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Good morning crew,

Last night when I went to take my laundry out of the washing machine I saw that there were still suds on my clothes. I had clearly put too much soap in the machine and had to run the rinse cycle a second time.

Stomping up the stairs I yelled at the wife, "Why did you stop buying the detergent with the little measuring cup?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"The laundry detergent I used to buy came with a little measuring cup so I knew exactly how much soap to put in each load. The stuff you've been buying lately doesn't have the little cup!"

"Sure it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Fine," she sighed, "I'll show you."

I followed her back downstairs to the laundry room where she dragged the mammoth 1.2 gallon jug down off the shelf and pointed out some sort of pressure valve assembly housed in a clear plastic dome.

Unscrewing the dome she presentd it to me like she would to a cocker spaniel.

"What's this then?" I asked, pointing out a simple screw top on the other end of the jug. "This is what I've been using."

"I don't know, but this is the spout. First you lay the jug down on it's side like this," she said as she demonstrated, "then you rotate this nozzel 90 degrees so it's pointing down. Then, you press this button to pour the detergent into the cup. It works kind of like a water jug."

"Then why in the hell does it have two spouts?" I asked.

She shrugged her shoulders, "Maybe this other one is to release the pressure when you pour."

"So I have to go through," I paused to count on my fingers, "FIVE steps in order to measure out a cup of laundry detergent?"

"What's so hard about that?"

"Sweetheart," I told her, "laundry is not supposed to be that complicated."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"A man who ordered a television off of Amazon was shocked because Amazon instead sent him a rifle. Which means somewhere a hunter is trying to kill a deer by making it watch 'Real Housewives.'" -Conan O'Brien

***
"According to a recent survey, 71 percent of men find it attractive when a woman offers to split the bill on a date. And zero percent of women find it attractive when that offer is accepted." -Seth Meyers

***
"Kylie Minogue won a legal battle against Kylie Jenner over the trademark of the name 'Kylie.' Yeah, the judge called the case 'not why I went to law school.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
As we left the gym after our first real workout in years, my husband and I both felt energized. "Let's make a commitment to do it three times a week," I said.

"Absolutely," my husband agreed, "three times at a minimum."

"And no whining," I said. "No excuses."

"No, we'll do it," he said enthusiastically, "you can count on it."

"And on my late night, we can just meet here at the gym."

"The gym?" my husband said, confused. "I thought we were talking about sex?"




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Two resident doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart. "What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily.

"It's the tax auditor in C ward," said one. "He's only got 2 days to live."

"He had to be told." said the second doctor.

"I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"