Monday, March 2, 2015

Good morning crew,

Several readers noticed the unfortunate omission of a comma in an issue of Clean Laffs last week, and leaping to an absurd conclusion took the time to write me and ask if I had actually sold my wife.

The answer is no, I did not sell the wife. She is still in very good shape and has plenty of miles left on her.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

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"Congress is considering a law that would allow commuters to bring their dogs and cats on Amtrak trains. It's all part of their plan to make Amtrak smell better." -Jimmy Fallon

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"The Kardashian family has signed a deal keeping them on the air for four more years and paying them $100 million. So let that be a lesson. If you really work hard and apply yourself, you are wasting your time." -Seth Meyers

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"Police in Florida are searching for someone who stole 360,000 nickels during a house party. Police believe the suspect is almost to the end of the street." -Seth Meyers

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Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags. He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel.

Mr. Smith walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides.

"I believe that luggage is mine. Were your bags marked like this?" he asked.

"Actually," the man replied, "I was wondering who did this to my luggage."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
When I was younger I worked in a Mom and Pop convenience store. A woman came into the store and walked straight up to me without even shopping and asked if I had any baby nipples.

I told her, "no ma'am, mine are fully grown."

Luckily she got a kick out of it and I sold her the nipples for a baby bottle.