Friday, October 23, 2015

Good morning crew,

I almost throttled a woman in line at the Dunking Doughnuts this morning. And you know what? I don't think I would have been convicted if I had.

I only give myself so much time in the morning to stop and get coffee. I don't really need a lot of time because at 6:15 a.m. there usually isn't a crowd. There have been times when I have pulled up to the place and observed a line of 5 or 6 people, whereupon I have had to pull right back out because I knew if I waited in that line I would have been late for work.

But this morning when I pulled up there were only two people in line, so I jumped out of the truck and ran inside.

The first person got a coffee and a bear claw, paid and stepped aside. Then the woman immediately in front of me stepped up to the counter.

When she started her interaction with the cashier with, "Ummm..." I knew I was in trouble.

She ordered an iced macchiato (whatever that is), then changed it to an iced coffee, then to a regular coffee. Then she agonized over whether to have a breakfast sandwich or a donut.

She settled on a breakfast sandwich AND a donut when she remembered she had a coupon for a free donut. The coupon, of course, was on her phone which she had to dig out of her purse and scroll through for 90 seconds.

Then there was a short comedy of errors while the cashier tried several times to scan the QR code off of the phone.

All the while I was standing right behind her, gnashing my teeth and hyperventilating through my nose as the minutes trickled away.

The cashier finally gave the woman her total, six-fifty-something, and checking my watch I estimated that I had about 75 seconds left to get a cup of coffee in my hands and be climbing into my truck and still make it to the office by 6:30.

That's when, unbelievably, the woman dug into her purse again to pull out a credit card. For a charge of less than six dollars.

By the time the card was run and a receipt printed and signed, the cashier finally looked at me said, "Can I help you?"

I glanced at my watch one more time and said, "Nope." and walked out.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"This week was Earth Science week. It's the week you have to celebrate if you aren't smart enough for bio or chemistry week." -Seth Meyers

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"New research shows that China has a bigger middle class than America, and more people in China are living what we would call the 'American Dream.' That's when you know things are bad - when even the American DREAM is made in China." -Jimmy Fallon

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"A high school student hacked the AOL email account of John Brennan, the director of the CIA. In other words, the student correctly guessed that the password of anyone still using AOL is 'password.'" --Conan O'Brien

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A group of 40-year-old buddies discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses there have low-cut blouses.

Ten years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

Ten years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

Ten years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

Ten years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should have dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they have never been there before.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
While watching my grandson's baseball game, I saw a young mother with her toddler on one of those child leashes.

She was talking with another mom about an incident that happened earlier that morning.

Her little Chihuahua was sick, and she had raised people's eyes as she walked into the vet's office with her dog in her arms and her child on a leash.

All I could think was, "What's wrong with this picture!"