Thursday, August 9, 2012

Good morning crew,

I'm heading up to Kenosha, Wisconsin for the Renaissance Faire this weekend. That's always fun, as long as I can restrict my expenditures to beer and turkey legs. But I always seem to talk myself into purchasing something ridiculous and expensive. There is just so much cool stuff for sale there it is hard not to.

We'll see how good my self-control is this year. If I do end up buying a suit of armor or something similarly stupid my mortgage payment is going to bounce.

Eh, the mortgage company can afford it.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Looking for money-savings tips, information helpful to women, and some good-natured fun? If so, take a moment or two and check out the Mommy Blogroll to the right and visit some of the best "Mommy Blogs" online.

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"Mitt Romney is claiming he'll create 12 million jobs in his first term. However, Romney hasn't said whether he'll create those jobs in China or India." -Conan O'Brien

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"It is week two of the Olympics. Wow, it is just whizzing by, this Olympics. Seems like it was only yesterday that it was a month before the Olympics." -Craig Ferguson

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"They say it now costs $250,000 to raise a child to age 18, and that doesn't count college, which is like $50,000 a year. So kids, if you want to give dad a great Father's Day gift, run away." -Jimmy Kimmel

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Camping Tips

Q. What equipment will I need to go camping?

A. You need a tent. Tent sizes are measured in units of men, as in "a three-man tent"; this tells you how many men are required to erect the tent if they are all professional tent engineers. Even then, the tent will collapse under unusual weather conditions, such as nightfall. You will also need a hatchet, for the spiders, and a credit card, for the motel.

Q. Where should I go camping?

A. The United States has a spectacular national park system with millions of unspoiled acres where wildlife is protected by federal laws. Avoid these places. You want a commercial facility with a name like "The Stop 'n' Squat Kountry Kamp-ground," where large animals cannot fit through the 6-inch gaps between the Winnebagos.

Q. How much food should I take?

A. A lot. You'll be providing food not only for your family, but also for the entire raccoon community. When I was a boy in rural Armonk, our garbage cans were regularly terrorized by a gang of brilliant criminal raccoons. I recall being awakened at 3 a.m. by loud noises and looking out the window to see, by moonlight, my father, a peace-loving Presbyterian minister, charging around in the bushes, wildly swinging a baseball bat and saying non-Presbyterian words.

Of course, he did not get the raccoons; you NEVER get the raccoons.

Q. What if I get lost?

A. If you don't have a compass, stand very still and listen very carefully, until you hear this sound: "eh-eh-eh." That is Canada. Whatever you do, don't go that way.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A 17-year-old girl came home with five job applications. She carefully filled them out, and later asked her mother to look them over.

All the answers were clear and concise and she noticed that on all five applications, under "Previous Employment", she had listed "Baby-sitting".

But then she read, under "Reason for Leaving" her daughter had answered, "Parents came home."