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Thursday, May 27, 2010
Good morning crew,
Memorial Day this weekend! This is the unofficial beginning
of summer, and it's about time. The traditional method of
celebrating Memorial Day is barbecuing (or grilling out, to
be more accurate), but since my worthless condo association
does not allow barbecue grills on the balconies I am going
to try something different.
I recently acquired a mini deep fryer which I have been eager
to try out. I love frying (because it compliments my healthy
lifestyle so well), but I rarely do it because deep frying
with a pan on the stovetop is very messy and stinks up the
place for days afterward.
But this mini fryer is self contained and electric which
means I can pop the sucker right out on the balcony. No mess
and no smell. And having two gallons of boiling oil balanced
right over my neighbor's head is so much safer than a metal
pot full of burning coals.
So far I'm planning chicken wings, zucchini sticks and hand-
cut potato chips, but I'm sure I'll come up with more things
to experiment with before Monday. I'll let you know how it
goes!
Laugh it up,
Joe
mailto:joe@gophercentral.com
P.S. We now have a Forum. You can post comments on this and
recent issues at... http://cleanlaffs.gophercentral.com
***
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"Dogs in Britain are being trained to sniff out diabetes
when their owners' blood sugar drops. They're great at it,
but only when diabetes is in your crotch." -Jimmy Fallon
***
"According to the latest census survey, the number of people
without health insurance has dropped by two million. Duh,
they're dead because they didn't have health insurance."
--Jay Leno
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"Memorial Day Weekend is ahead. I know it's a few days away,
but you want to get a jump on being stuck at the airport for
24 hours." -David Letterman
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*Things That Never Happened On Star Trek*..
1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a
type it has encountered several times before.
2. The Enterprise visits a remote outpost of scientists,
who are all perfectly all right.
3. Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works
properly.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new life-
form, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old
life form wearing a funny hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious
plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-
stocked Enterprise sick-bay.
6. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a
less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by
the Starfleet Prime Directive.
7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from
one place to another without serious incident.
8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to
interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out
that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
9. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly
diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and
competent engineering staff.
10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien
intelligence which does not put them on trial.
11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien
intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some
chocolate.
12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called
"Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. How-
ever, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it
seems.
13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the
Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area
are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp ex-
perience which is in some way unconnected with the Late
20th Century.
15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet
he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the
end of the episode.
16. Counselor Troi states something other than the
blindingly obvious.
17. The warp engines start going haywire, but seem to sort
themselves out after a while without any intervention from
boy genius Wesley Crusher.
18. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position
for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of
one in three sentences that anyone says to him.
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes ---------------*
My daughter Marina worked in my law office while she attended
graduate school. One morning a call came in for her. I said
she wasn't in yet and offered to take a message. The caller
said she'd phone back later.
At 11:00 a.m., the caller tried again, and I reported that
Marina had gone to lunch.
The last call came in at 3:30 p.m. "I'm sorry," I said,
"she's left for the day. May I take a message?"
"Yes," the caller replied. "How can I get a job with you?"
____________________________________________________________
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