Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Good morning crew,

I read somewhere that bipolar disorder (or manic-depressive disorder) is tied to creativity, which is why practically every single celebrity seems to have it.

Maybe that's why I have never made a smashing success out of my life. And it's not even that I am balanced like a top, emotionally speaking. I get manic, usually when a payday falls on a Friday, and a lot of times I'll get depressed, like when my bills come due and I realize I drank most of my paycheck. I guess it must be a plain, old, simple lack of talent.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"A newly found manuscript revealed Einstein didn't believe in the big bang theory, which says the universe is constantly expanding. He theorized a steady state that keeps constant by adding elementary particles. I have no idea what I'm talking about." -Craig Ferguson

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"In town right now is President Obama for a fundraiser - $32,000 a plate. People say, 'That's crazy.' Yeah, but you get unlimited breadsticks." -Dave Letterman

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"A man in India has set a new world record for fastest nose-typing. I think the most surprising part of it is that there was an OLD world record for nose-typing." -Seth Meyers

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Flying into a Middle East airport, my co-pilot and I reviewed our flight plan for the trip back to the USS Enterprise. We were to pick up a Navy captain, and experience had taught me that even seasoned vets turn white-knuckled during carrier landings.

Once the captain was strapped in, I turned around to welcome him aboard. "Sir," I asked, "will this be your first carrier landing?"

Looking at me with disdain, he opened his inflatable vest to display gold wings above five rows of ribbons. "Son," he said, "I have over 500 carrier landings in jet fighters."

"That's good to hear," my co-pilot said, winking at me, "because this will be our first."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said, "Those are the mangiest, scroungiest, most moth-eaten, miserable beasts I have ever seen."

One of the buffalo turned to the other and said, "You know, I think I just heard a discouraging word."