Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Good morning crew,

I decided to go back to the taekwondo school yesterday afternoon (instead of taking another day off like I probably should have) and I think I discovered the source of my infection. Stepping into the dojang I was greeted by a chorus of wet, gurgling coughs. The entire place is like one, big Petri dish.

I'm so glad all those parents are so dedicated to bringing their kids to the school, no matter how debilitatingly and infectiously sick they might be.

I was particularly blessed by one five-year-old who managed to cough directly into my face from about 18 inches away as I was kneeling in front of him.

We provide real personal instruction at our school.

If I'm lucky maybe I'll end up with whooping cough or tuberculosis or something.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Government regulators have released a new statement saying that no hover board scooter currently on the market meets proper safety standards. The other thing hover board scooters don't meet: women." -Seth Meyers

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"A new study from the University of Sussex found that horses can recognize human emotions based on our facial expressions. Yet another reason you should never play poker with a horse -- and they never pitch in for the pizza." -Stephen Colbert

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"Starbucks is going to start carrying coconut milk. If you want to stay competitive in the coffee business you've got to consistently provide your customers with new ways to make their orders more annoying." -Jimmy Kimmel

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The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand.

"And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn't you feel any qualms? Didn't you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?"

"Yes," she answered. "Come to think of it...there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him."

"And, when was that?"

"When he asked for the second cup."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My children have never been thrilled about taking naps, but one day they were putting up more of a fuss than usual. In the middle of the tantrums, a friend called.

"What's all the commotion over there?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing," I said. "Just the siesta resistance."