Monday, April 11, 2016
Good morning crew,
Success. The wife and I managed to spend the entire evening at the Brew and Vine event this weekend and we didn't buy a single thing.
It wasn't too hard. Most of the good stuff they were offering
you can buy at any large liquor story anyway.
But the fest did give me an opportunity to teach the wife a handy little trick when confronted with a socially awkward situation.
The convention center where the fest was held was separated in the middle by a stage with a band and a stretch of dance floor. Three hours into the event and the place was packed, including the dance floor where a hundred or so inebriates were bumping, grinding and stepping on each other's toes.
We wanted to get from one side to the other, but going around the dance floor meant a walk three times as long through a milling crowd juggling full glasses of beer and wine.
But every problem has a solution. If you have to cross a street, you walk. If you have to cross a pool, you swim. And if you have to cross a dance floor, you dance your way across.
It seemed to work. I only got elbowed in the kidney once by an over-enthusiastic dancer. And that was the wife.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.com
P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
GopherArchives
***
"Two thieves robbed the Make-A-Wish Foundation office in San Francisco. Someone should tell these burglars that it really is just an office building. They don't keep actual wishes in there." -James Corden
***
"The British tabloid, The Mirror, published a story about a woman who faked her own death to break off a relationship after the man wouldn't leave her alone. Ahh, yes, the old 'It's not you, I'm dead' approach." -Seth Meyers
***
"A new study found that many popular oregano brands are really olive leaves and other leaves falsely labeled as oregano. Or as high school stoners put it, 'Wait, this still isn't marijuana?'" -Jimmy Fallon
***
Things I never learned in high school:
1. What taxes are.
2. How to do taxes.
3. How to vote.
4. Anything to do with banking.
5. How to buy a car or a house.
But I'm so glad I know the Pythagorean Theorem!
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A tourist on a diving charter off the coast of Florida asks the blond dive master: "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blond replies: "Think about it! If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."