Monday, December 29, 2014

Good morning crew,

Welcome back, folks. Everybody enjoy their long weekend (or maybe you get today off instead of last Friday)? Don't worry, this is just a little breather before the next big plunge into the New Year's Eve weekend. That's when the real fun starts because there is no gift buying or exchanging pressure. Just partying.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Lincoln studied by the light of a fireplace. Mozart composed by candlelight. Galileo invented by oil lamp. Didn't they ever think to do their work during the daytime?" -Jersey Tomato

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"I have a list I made when I was twelve of things I wanted to do before I die. Omigod...how embarrassing. Number One: Touch a boobie." --Drew Carey

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"If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers." --Doug Larson

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Two fellows stopped into an English pub for a drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to settle an argument.

"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.

"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor.

They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid asked for their order.

"Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered to buy them for us."

The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"

"That's right," he called back, "two pints."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
I was setting up a large, cast aluminum, decorative sundial in my yard that I had purchased from a garden catalog.

A neighbor, an old Florida cracker, was leaning on the fence watching my progress and asked, "What the heck's that for?"

I explained, "It's a sun dial, see the sun will hit that small triangular spike and cast a shadow on the face of the sundial. Then, as the sun moves across the sky, the shadow also moves across the calibrated dial, enabling a person to determine the correct time."

My neighbor shook his head and muttered, "Huh! Well what will they think of next?"