Monday, January 26, 2015

Good morning crew,

I am happy and a little surprised to report that the wife made it through an entire afternoon and evening having her spa day at the casino and didn't gamble a single dollar.

I guess my threats of selling one of her kidneys to pay the mortgage finally sank in.

So last evening we went out to one of our local restaurants for dinner and a couple drinks. Perhaps tempting fate, but at the very least inviting justifiable indictment of hypocrisy, I suggested that on our way out we stop by the row of slot machines they have in the bar area and invest 20 bucks.

You see; when she does it, it's gambling, when I do it, it's investing.

As it turned out, a few short spins won us a jackpot of $40! The entire bill for dinner and drinks; $43.

Now that is a successful date.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"The Obamas invited 22 guests to the State of the Union address, including a former Cuban prisoner, an astronaut, and a doctor. Either that or he was setting up the weirdest bar joke of all time." -Jimmy Fallon

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"Doctors say that your attention span is like a muscle that can be strengthened. I didn't read the rest of the article because I saw a shiny thing." -Conan O'Brien

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"Yesterday a baby was born on a New York-bound flight three hours before landing. Serious question: Would you rather ride next to a baby a whole flight, or have the first half of the flight no baby but then the actual birthing of a baby? Because again, that's three hours of peace where there's just no baby." Seth Meyers

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Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway.

"You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
My father was extremely nervous about his first funeral service as a Navy chaplain, but the undertaker assured him that he would prompt him. All went well until, at the close, the undertaker whispered to him to instruct the family to come up and view the body. "Will the family now come forward and pass around the bier," said my father.

He cringed inwardly when he heard his own words. Later, as my father was leaving, he overheard two of the cemetery workers talking. "I didn't get any beer," one said. "Did you?"

"You heard the chaplain," the other replied. "It was just for the family."