Monday, October 17, 2011

Good morning crew,

Saturday night I managed to convince old Mason to bail on his family and go with me and the girlfriend to the Uberstein in Chicago.

Actually, 'convince' is a strong word for what happened. When I called him up he had already spent the entire day taking care of his four-month-old twins by himself while his wife was out shopping with a girlfriend.

As soon as the word 'beer' passed my lips he interrupted me and said, "The wife will be home at five. Be here to pick me up by four-fifty."

Now here is the new rule. NO MORE THAN TWO Ubersteins in a night! By the time I was half-way through my third 32-ounce mug of dark, frothy, Bavarian-style lager my head was already pounding.

And it wasn't the volume. I don't know how those Germans can drink that heady, dark beer. Not even a thuringer sausage and a plate of spatzle and gravy kept that potent brew from going straight to my head and setting up a marching band.

But, as they say, experience is the best teacher. Next time, instead of drinking three 'Ubersteins' I'll just have nine regular mugs. That should solve the problem.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"There's a proposal in Congress to allow rich people who feel they don't pay enough income tax to voluntarily pay more. Economists say this could bring in as much as $75 a year." -Jay Leno

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"Some protesters brought their kids to the Occupy Wall Street demonstrations. Some of the kids got bored and decided to occupy Sesame Street instead." -Jimmy Kimmel

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"In a survey of 35 cities, Los Angeles ranked second-to-last in intelligence. Residents of L.A. were outraged after the report was slowly explained to them." -Conan O'Brien

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I'm the postmaster for a small town in Pennsylvania. One of my regular customers, Jeff, bought several sheets of newly released commemorative stamps.

Soon after he left, a woman came in carrying two crisp sheets of Harry Houdini stamps she'd found in the parking lot.

The next morning, I gave Jeff the sheets of stamps he'd lost. "You know," Jeff said to me, "I'm not at all that surprised the Houdini stamps reappeared."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Helping me sort clothes into "save" and "give away" piles, my six-year-old daughter came across a garter belt. "What's this?" she asked.

"It's a garter belt," I said. Seeing that meant nothing to her, I added, "It's for holding up stockings."

"Ah," she said, carefully placing it in the "save" pile, "we'll use it next Christmas Eve."