Thursday, August 4, 2011

Good morning crew,

We were having an impromptu Bible study the other morning at the office and I pulled out one of my favorite quotes, Mark 12, 15-17.


"Jesus said unto them, bring me a denarius,
that I may see it. And they brought it. And
he saith unto them, Whose is this image and
superscription? And they said unto him,
Caesar's. And Jesus said unto them, Render
unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's,
and unto God the things that are God's.
And they marvelled greatly at him."


I just love that language. I think it's a shame that nobody talks like this anymore (or maybe ever did). So I decided to see if I could revive it.

I had my first opportunity last night when I stopped into the local watering hole for a drink. I sat down at the bar and the bartender asked, "What can I get you, buddy?"

So I said, "Render unto me a beer."

He gave me a look and said, "Listen, pal, it's against the law to serve you if you're already drunk. You'd better just go home."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!


***
"Hollywood police used ?non-lethal bean bags? to control a crowd that was rioting. Is there such a thing as lethal bean bags? If the riot escalated, they were authorized to switch to Marshmallow Peeps." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
"The three great advancements of mankind were harnessing fire, inventing the wheel and the Slap Chop." -Craig Ferguson

***
"A woman in San Francisco was arrested this week for stealing cash from Alex Trebek's hotel room. Trebek could tell something was up when the burglar said, 'I'll take your wallet and personal belongings for free, Alex.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They're appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy."

"Oh, please, Mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
I picked up my nine-year-old daughter from school and asked how her day had gone. A few minutes later, distracted by driving, I repeated the question, and again a few minutes after that.

Instead of annoyed, Ariana was philosophical. "Mom," she said, "your amnesia is my deja vu."