Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Good morning crew,

Whew! Talk about a long weekend. Four days of partying. But Saturday was the longest. Saturday the wife and I had two weddings to attend. Actually, one wedding and one reception. Both ceremonies were at the same time on opposite ends of the city, so we had to divide them up.

As we were getting ready to leave Saturday afternoon the wife came out to the truck to find me packing the back with some folding chairs and a cooler of beer.

"What is all this supposed to be for?" she asked.

I said, "Haven't you ever tailgated?"

"Nobody tailgates a wedding," she told me.

I said, "I'm sorry, have you met me?"

So despite her tacit disapproval I loaded everything up, and as it turned out a little distraction came in handy. We way over-estimated the time it would take us to get to the country club where the first wedding was being held, and we had about 45 minutes to sit around and relax beforehand.

It was just a glorious spring afternoon and we had every comfort of sitting in our own backyard. In fact, as family members started trickling into the parking lot they immediately gravitated to our little oasis at the back of my truck.

The only snag came when my brother Paul (the father of the bride) pulled up next to us and got out of his car with a distinguished, somewhat matronly-looking woman in tow. I disengaged myself from the small crowd and beer-in-hand went over to accost him with a jovial hug.

"Congratulations, old man! Another one out of the nest, huh? So, where is your wife? Or is this young lady your date?" I said, elbowing him in the ribs and winking at his companion.

"No, this is Doug's mother," he said, naming his soon-to-be son-in-law.

"Oh, I'm sorry. How do you do?" I said, wiping my hand on my shirt before offering it to her. "Please don't take any offense. Would you like to join us for a drink before we kick this little shindig off?"

"Thanks, but I'd better not," she said. "I'm the pastor today."

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment." --Ira Gassen

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"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it." --Mark Twain

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"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because the are generally the same people." --Gilbert Keith Chesterton

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At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax.

One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained.

When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?"

"Well, I suppose," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Our Supply Clerk at the factory where I work, discovered a box that was left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: DANGER DO NOT TOUCH!

Management was called and all employees were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed.

When the foreman arrived, he donned gloves and safety glasses, and then, very carefully opened the box. Inside were 25 signs that read: DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH!