GopherCentral.com Powered By PulseTV.com

Monday, November 7, 2016

Good morning crew,

Welcome to a new week, folks, and if the traffic seemed unusually light on your way into work this morning, then you forgot to set your clock back an hour last night.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives




"A pair of tickets to Game 7 sold on StubHub for almost $40,000. And the couple still left in the seventh inning to beat traffic. 'Get your purse, Linda, we'll catch the end on the radio.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***

"There's an event company that specializes in fake weddings. The idea is that many young people don't want to get married but they do want a wedding, so the company puts on a fake ceremony and a fake reception. I can't imagine writing 'Will attend' on an RSVP for a fake wedding. There are already weddings for people who don't want to get married - they're called weddings." -Jimmy Kimmel

***

"The FDA is currently debating whether the chocolate hazelnut topping Nutella should be classified as a dessert or a spread. Which is ridiculous. Nutella isn't a dessert or a spread, it's a cry for help." -James Corden

***

On our way to the ski hill, my friend's children decided to "find me a man" by the end of the day.

The kids did their best to let it be known I was unmarried and to introduce me to anyone who was skiing alone and therefore, in their minds, single.

To my great relief they finally got bored with their mission and charged off on their own. I then made my way to the chair lift. As I moved near the front of the line, a gentleman close to my age said "Excuse me, but are you single?"

Groaning inwardly, I said, "Yes, but despite what you may have heard, I'm really not looking to get married."

He looked at me oddly. "All I want is someone to share the chair lift with."




*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

Because of the reaction people have when they wake up and realize it's a workday again and the weekend is over, the first day of the week is called Moanday.

Many people too busy to cook on the second day of the week just open a can of beans. Hence the day is known as Tootsday.

By the third day of the week, people are wondering when they can ever find the time to get everything done this week that they need to, hence the day is known as Whensday.

Too bleary to even count properly, people think it's only Day Three of the week on the next day, therefore it's er- roneously called Thirdsday.

On the last day of the workweek, people often go out "for a few" after work. By the time they get home, they're too tired to cook anything elaborate, so they just throw a piece of meat, chicken, or fish in the skillet. That's why the day is known as Fryday.

Saturday night all the singles let loose. There's a lot of sexual hijinks. It's pretty obvious why the day is called Satyrday.

And on the last day of the week--and the weekend--people look at all the items on their to-do lists that didn't get crossed off, groan aloud, and make themselves promises they won't keep. Therefore the day is called Soonday.

Top Viewed Issues