Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Good morning crew,

Well, I am almost recovered from the weekend. Three days of partying is a lot, even for me. But the whole thing would have been less memorable if it weren't for my all too intimate brush with high explosives.

Friday night after the family party the wife and I stopped by a friend's house who was having a block party. Well, his block was having a block party.

One of this friend's neighbors took advantage of the fact that several of the surrounding municipalities were having fireworks displays to launch a few of his own bombs. This rogue figured that with all of the explosions going off within a mile or two of his block, the local authorities wouldn't notice his few pyrotechnics.

And he was right, mostly. The notable exception occurred when I was standing about 25 feet from the 3-inch metal tube he had pounded into his front lawn to act as a launching device. This actually worked very well until he dropped a 2-inch diameter mortar into the 3-inch hole.

Instead of launching the bomb a couple hundred feet into the air it only launched it a couple of inches.

Fortunately this amateur was safety conscious enough to make sure that no one was standing in the immediate vicinity of the launch tube, but my skull still got a good rattle from the detonation.

The entire greater metropolitan area was enjoying fireworks safely and responsibly, but I had to be standing within 10 yards of the one moron who can't tell the difference between 2 and 3 inches.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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***
A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his father, "Dad, when will I be old enough to do as I please?"

The father answered immediately, "I don't know, son. Nobody has lived that long yet."

***
An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool."

From the back of the room a voice called out, "Yeah? So, what are the words?"

***
Our armored car arrived earlier than usual, so my deposit wasn't quite ready. As the young man waited patiently for me to secure the bag, I said, "Sorry to hold you up."

"Delay, delay," he corrected me. "We don't use that other phrase."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A British friend of mine once found himself at a dinner party sitting next to an attractive American woman. The conversation turned to cricket, and the woman asked my friend to explain the game.

He agreed and embarked on a lengthy explanation of the mysteries of "silly mid-on," "fine-leg," "googly," "chinaman" and the like.

At the end he sat back, exhausted. The woman looked at him, shaking her head in wonderment, "That really is remarkable. And to think they do it all on horseback."