Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Good morning crew,
A scant two weeks until Memorial Day and it's 64 degrees and cloudy. This weekend it is supposed to get down into the 50s and rain. Again.
I have been getting a little desperate to have a cookout but the weather has not been cooperating lately.
I guess, there is always the old trick of barbecuing in the garage. Nothing dangerous about having a large, open fire, flaring with grease and meat juices, in the middle of a wooden structure.
I have done it several times and haven't burned a house down yet. Then again, I have never done it in my own house.
With my luck this would be my first.
Laugh it up,
Joe
joe@gophercentral.com
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"Hooters is offering its annual free meal for moms. Apparently, moms must be accompanied by at least one kid, who must also be accompanied by at least one psychiatrist." -Jimmy Fallon
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"A new study released today shows that blotting pizza with a napkin to remove extra grease can remove an average of 40 calories per slice. So if you're looking for an easy way to lose weight, just eat that napkin." -Seth Meyers
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"A group is suing Quaker Oats saying their oatmeal is not 100 percent natural. And it gets worse: The guy on the box? He's Jewish." -Conan O'Brien
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Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."
Husband texts back:
"Pour some hot water around the edges and then gently tap it with hammer."
Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"Now we need a new computer."
*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
An 80 year old man went to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor was amazed at what good shape the guy was in. The doctor asked, "To what do you attribute your good health?"
The old timer said, "I'm a golfer and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways."
The doctor said, "Well, I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your father when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my father's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your father is still alive? How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 100 years old and, in fact, he golfed with me this morning. That's why he's still alive, he's a golfer."
The doctor said, "Well, that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it. How about your grandfather? How old was he when he died?"
The old timer said, "Who said my grandpa's dead?"
The doctor said, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather's still living! How old is he?"
The old timer said, "He's 118 years old."
The doctor was getting frustrated at this point and said, "I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?"
The old timer said, "No...Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he got married last night."
The doctor said in amazement, "Got married!! Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?"
The old timer shot back, "Who said he wanted to?"