Friday, October 2, 2015

Good morning crew,

Welcome to October folks, and payday for me (yesterday, actually)! And a good thing too, since I blew all of my spending cash on Oktoberfests and doggy fund raisers. Now I can finally afford to pick up some household supplies I have been putting off, like fabric softener, paper towels and body wash. Hey, If it's a choice between drinking beer and buying body wash I'll go with the beer every time.

Besides, if I am forced to I can always substitute in a pinch. For example, all last week I was using dish washing detergent in the shower. It works almost as well, I smell lemon-fresh all day, and I always dry spot-free.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click GopherArchives

***
"Whole Foods announced yesterday that it is cutting 1,500 jobs. Although Whole Foods doesn't want to call them 'unemployed.' They're calling them 'free range employees.'" -Jimmy Fallon

***
"Today is National Coffee Day. For those who don't know, coffee is an ingredient in the milkshakes they serve at Starbucks." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
"A new study released today shows that blotting pizza with a napkin to remove extra grease can remove an average of 40 calories per slice. So if you're looking for an easy way to lose weight, just eat that napkin." -Seth Meyers

***
At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine's disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner's face or show concern.

Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.

The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table for my pizza.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
"Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?" I asked my friend.

"He wants to be a garbage man," he replied.

"That's an unusual ambition to have at such a young age."

"Not really. He thinks that garbage men work only on Tuesdays."