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Friday, August 26, 2016

Good morning crew,

My wife is beginning to hate me.

Like all zealots, once I determined to teach myself German in preparation for our upcoming European adventure, I decided that the people around me should share my enthusiasm; and the person who is around me the most is the wife.

So toward this end I began writing German words and phrases with their English translation on little pieces of paper and taping them in obvious spots around the house.

One morning a piece of paper would appear taped to the fridge with the personal pronouns on it; Ich, du, er, sie, es, etc...

Another morning the translation for, "I would like to order a beer" would appear on the bedroom mirror.

Or, "Where can I buy clean underwear" would end up on the bathroom mirror. You know, common phrases that are most likely to come up.

After a while I began quizzing her, because being married to me is like living a really annoying trivia game.

She tolerated this pretty well for a while, but as the weeks trickled past she became less and less willing to play my little game.

Finally she came up with a solution (that didn't involve divorce).

"We're not just going to be in German-speaking countries," she said, "so why don't you learn German, and I'll learn some French. That way we'll have two counties covered."

"Yeah, that would be a pretty good strategy," I admitted. So I started to ease up on my assault of pop German language quizzes, and we went to the used book store so the wife could pick up a 'French for Travelers' phrase book.

But I just couldn't leave her go on her own initiative. After a little while I started asking her how to say this or how to say that in French. At first she was a little vague with her answers, but finally I challenged her with the simplest most common phrase we are likely to use.

"How do you order a beer in French?" I asked.

After a moment of knitted brow and chewed lip she offered, "Ein bier, s'il vous plait?"

"That's just German with 's'il vous plait' tacked on the end!"

She countered with, "Yeah? Well, it doesn't matter. Everybody over there speaks English anyway."

I shook my head at her. "With that attitude," I cautioned, "you KNOW they're going to spit in our Vichyssoise."

Laugh it up,


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"Today is Thursday. Or what I like to call on Friday, 'yesterday.'" -Jimmy Fallon


"Astronomers at NASA are saying that they discovered a new Earth-like planet that's only 4.2 light years away. I know, I reacted the exact same way as you did. I don't know how far that is either." -James Corden


"KFC has come out with a sunscreen that makes you smell like fried chicken. Of course if you want to smell like KFC, you could just ride around in any single guy's car." -Conan O'Brien


In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and a clock. I told the students that when it was a large timepiece on a wall and not attached to your body, it was called a clock. When it was worn on your body, it was called a watch.

A few days later we had a power outage, and our classroom clocks had not been reset. I asked Luis, who was wearing a wristwatch, for the time. Luis looked at his wrist, and then confidently announced, "It is exactly ten o'watch."

*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*

My brother Scott brought over a photo album of his camping trip. One picture showed a brown bear helping itself to his food. "What kind of bear is that?" I asked.

"It's called a Kodiak," Scott replied.

"Oh, yeah?" my husband Keith shot back. "And I suppose those white ones in the Arctic are called Polaroids."

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