Thursday, November 24, 2011

Good morning crew,

In case you didn't notice it, today is Thanksgiving! With any luck right now I am neck deep in fluffy mashed potatoes and a six inch thick pile of roast turkey, all smothered in pools of thick, mushroom gravy.

If I have the stamina I will be visiting three houses today. I learned a long time ago that bringing side dishes or desserts can frequently be a waste of time, because people tend to over-prepare and, of course, everybody else who comes over brings a side dish or a dessert. So what I do is bring booze.

It's hard to go wrong with that because 1) Everybody appreciates a half case of beer or a decent bottle of wine or whiskey. 2) It doesn't go bad whereas that pan of green bean casserole you spent two hours preparing is going to get scraped into the trash by Sunday, and 3) I know that there will be something in the house that I enjoy drinking!

What can I say, I believe in being prepared.

I hope you're all enjoying your holiday and I'll talk to you again next week!

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"I had general anesthesia for my surgery. It's so weird. You go to sleep in one room and then wake up four hours later in a totally different room. Just like in college." --Ross Shafer

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"I used to be With IT. But then they changed what IT was. Now what I'm with isn't IT, and what's IT seems scary and wierd. It'll happen to YOU." --Abe Simpson, The Simpsons

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"I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog." -Dwight Schrute, The Office

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Duck decoys, fishing rods, boots -- outdoor gear of all kinds was piled high in the garage. One day I found my wife staring at the mess. "I hope I die first, so I don't have to get rid of all this," she sighed.

"Look on the bright side," I suggested. "If I go first, you can put an ad in the paper. When all the men come by to check out the stuff, you can pick out a replacement for me."

Still staring at the pile, she said, "Nah. Whoever would want all this stuff wouldn't be my type."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
One year at Thanksgiving, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast.

Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.

When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen,and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey.

She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven. When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing.

When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!