Monday, June 13, 2011

Good morning crew,

Hey! Guess whose luck hasn't changed one iota. Give up? It's me. The girlfriend talked me into going to the casino this weekend despite the fact that I'm desperately trying to save money to put down on a house. It was her dad's birthday and she wanted it to be a group thing, so I felt a social obligation to pull a hundred bucks out of the savings account and participate.

The results were predictable.

The girlfriend, however, displaying her usual bizarre luck, managed to gamble herself down to her last three bucks (her last three BORROWED bucks) on the slot machines before hitting a three hundred dollar jackpot, literally on her last spin.

And she didn't even buy me drinks.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!

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"Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke is predicting that the economy will pick up in the second half of the year. So you know what that means: nothing." -Jimmy Fallon

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"The Los Angeles police commission has voted to get rid of the red light traffic cameras. It's very upsetting to me, because I loved posing for them." -Craig Ferguson

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"President Obama said today he's not concerned about a double dip recession. He's more concerned the recovery we're in is not creating enough jobs. In fact, do you know what you call a recovery that isn't creating enough jobs? A recession." -Jay Leno

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The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts and I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."

Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who was looking for bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Upset over a newlywed squabble with my husband, I went to my mother to complain. Trying to console me, my dad said that men are not all like this all the time.

"Nonsense," I said, inconsolable. "Men are good for only one thing!"

"Yes," my mother interjected, "but how often do you have to parallel park?"