Thursday, March 28, 2013

Good morning crew,

You never know when or where fortune will strike. In Vegas I lost at blackjack, I lost at roulette and I lost at craps. I lost at everything I touched. Nearly broke I put my last few bucks in a dollar slot machine, something I would normally never do, and in a bizarre twist of luck I hit the progressive jackpot.

2 million dollars. That's six zeros.

So, effective immediately I am retiring. I figure if I am conservative I can stretch that the rest of my life. I have already researched a few small, beachfront properties in Florida. Maybe I'll take up SCUBA diving.

Oh, and by the way, I never liked TZ.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. EVTV1 is back and better than ever! This video portal was created to weed through the online clutter to bring you the best animal video clips...funniest videos...most popular...PLUS the most unusual. New videos are added daily!

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"I wanted to be a Boy Scout, but I had all the wrong traits. They were looking for kids who were trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. Whereas I tended to be devious, fickle, obstructive, hostile, impolite, mean, defiant, glum, extravagant, dirty, and sacrilegious." --George Carlin

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"When I was a kid getting to borrow the car was a big deal. Before he handed over the keys, my dad always gave me a lecture. 'Now I'm not giving you this car so you can screw it up.' Well, I said to myself, then I don't want it." --Louie Anderson

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"You can't believe how much hard work it is to con people into thinking that you're productive when you're unemployed. Always thinking up things to tell them you're going to do tomorrow, having to exaggerate every minute of your nowhere day...it's worse than having a job. At least when you're employed, when people ask about your day you can tell them to shut up and mind their own business." --Drew Carey

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A flight instructor was sent out to help a trainee who had radioed that he was about to make a forced landing a few miles from the base. The instructor spotted the plane standing in a field small enough to present a real challenge to his professional reputation.

With determination, full flaps and engine just above the stall, he maneuvered into the field. Climbing out, he shouted angrily to the trainee, "Just how did you manage to get into such a small field?"

"I landed in the big field over there," the trainee pointed, "but in order to leave room for you, I had the farmer tow me here."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied, "Two years older than me."

"So, you're 96," the undertaker commented.

She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"