Thursday, October 27, 2011

Good morning crew,

Finally! A quiet weekend. Not for lack of anything to do, but I don't get paid until Tuesday of next week and it is getting kind of lonely in my pocketbook.

Fortunately there are a lot of Halloween themed movies on cable right now. For example, last night I watched the 2008 vampire movie Twilight for the first time.

This is a really, really bad movie, and I read that it made $69 million on its opening weekend alone. $69 million! I just cannot imagine that the book is much better than the movie. It's basically a story about a 300-year-old, immortal killer who falls in love with a vacuous, self-centered, 17-year-old girl who can't seem to string a complete sentence together. If I had walked the Earth for 300 years living an unlife of hopeless desperation I'm not sure taking a teenager to the prom would be high on my priority list.

Granted Kristen Stewart, who plays the main character Bella Swan, is cute as a button, but there is only one scene in the entire movie where she is in her underwear.

So I think what I need to do is start writing movie scripts. I already have a gem of an idea. It's a musical about dancing werewolves called Lycanthropy 2: Silver Bullet Boogaloo.

If Twilight made $69 million this idea should be a gold mine.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. Are you on Facebook? If you are, check out the Deal of the Day fan page. You get exclusive offers and a new deal every day. It is easy to become a fan, just click here and hit the like button... 'Like' Deal of the Day Here

***
"A judge has ordered Lindsay Lohan to work at the L.A. morgue. This way she can do community service and visit her career at the same time." -Jay Leno

***
"McDonald's just announced that they will sell the McRib sandwich only until November 14. So unfortunately, it looks like I'll have to cook for Thanksgiving after all." -Conan O'Brien

***
"I personally didn't watch 'Dancing With the Stars' tonight because if there's anything I learned from the new 'Footloose' remake, it's that dancing is a sin and should not be tolerated." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember."

So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat... So every year that you age, she only ages half a year?" My co-worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A man comes home with his daughter, whom he has just taken to work for the day. The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll."

Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system, and is very efficient."

The daughter thinks for a minute and then replies, "Oh. I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her down."