Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Good morning crew,

A night of beer and pizza wasn't the only thing I got the wife for her birthday. I also got her some electronics.

She has an Apple iPhone which she not only uses for making telephone calls, but also for taking pictures, surfing the Internets and downloading music (which she uses for the Women's' Dance-Kwon-Do class she teaches). Basically she uses it like a portable computer.

The consequence of this is that she is constantly exceeding her data usage and maxing out her memory.

So picking up on her complaints I decided to buy her an ancillary device like an iPod, or an iTouch, or an iPad or some such gadget. The problem is I don't know anything about this stuff.

The conversation I had with the guy in the computer store was like a stand-up routine.

After I explained to him what I was looking for he asked me, "What kind of phone does your wife have?"

"It's an Apple phone."

"What kind of Apple phone?"

"I don't know."

"Well, what service plan does she use?"

"I don't know."

"What service plan do you use?"

"I don't have a service plan."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't have a cell phone."

I don't think he was prepared for that one. That stumped him for a few seconds.

Then he asked, "Do you have WiFi?"

"I don't know," I said.

Finally, realizing he was dealing with a complete ignoramus, he nodded his head and said, "I think I understand. Follow me."

He took me over to a display of some Star Trek devices and pointed out a shiny piece of plastic.

"This model should be compatible with the widest range of other devices. It does everything you said you want it to do, and it's last year's model so it's about 60 bucks cheaper than this one," he said, pointing out what looked to me like an identical piece of shiny plastic.

"Sounds good," I said. "How much is it?"

Now, I don't want to sound like a cheap skate, but let me just say that now I understand why Apple is the most valuable company in the world if they are charging those kinds of prices for about 12 ounces of plastic.

But, I pulled the trigger and bought the thing and it turned out to be a worthwhile investment, at least as far as the wife is concerned. She has been playing with the thing constantly. Hopefully she will get more use out of it than taking dozens of pictures of the dog.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Last night was Super Bowl 50. It's a special night where Americans gather with friends and family to lose money and gain weight." -Jimmy Fallon

***
"During the Super Bowl, Quicken Loans debuted a new app that lets people get a mortgage instantly on their phones by just tapping the screen. The app is called, 'What could possibly go wrong?'" -Conan O'Brien

***
"Last night was caucus night in Iowa and Ted Cruz was the winner on the Republican side with 28 percent of the vote. Donald Trump came in second with 24 percent, and Marco Rubio is right behind him with 23 percent. Third is pretty good considering the fact that most Iowa voters think that Marco Rubio is a game you play in the swimming pool." -Jimmy Kimmel

***
A government warning was recently issued that anyone traveling in icy or blizzard conditions should take:

- Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag
- Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves
- 24 hours supply of food and drink
- De-icer
- 5 lbs of rock salt
- flashlight with spare batteries
- Road flares and reflective triangles
- Tow rope
- 5 gallon gas can
- First aid kit
- Jump cables

I felt like a complete idiot on the bus this morning.


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon.

During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.

Asking questions during children's sermons is crucial. Asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

After the pastor asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him And the little boy said, "I'm not sure, but I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."