Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Good morning crew,

You know, I have never been much of a baseball fan. I understand the basics of the game, but all of the little nuances that make it fascinating to a die-hard fan are beyond me.

So last Sunday at the game, listening to all of the fans chant and cheer, I tried to fit in a little bit. While the pitcher was warming up I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled, "Hey! Eggs, flour and bread crumbs...swing!"

One of my friends looked at me and said, "What the hell are you screaming?"

I said, "I thought that's what you were supposed to yell right before a pitch. Why? How do you make batter?"

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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"Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time." -Demetri Martin

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"A new study shows that large doses of Vitamin E do not protect against heart attacks and cancer, and might actually raise the risk of heart failure. The study was published in this month's Journal of Things that Scientists Told You to Do Last Month That Turned Out to Be Harmful This Month." --Dennis Miller

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"There exists a widespread myth that humans should learn about sex from their parents. My relationship with my father nearly ended when he tried to teach me how to drive. I can't imagine our relationship having survived his instructing me how to have sex." --Bob Smith

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Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.

"Can I talk to a real person?" a caller asked.

"I am real," I said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," the caller said. "That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something?"


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school.

"Is she in Paine or Hacking?" the school secretary asked.

"She feels fine," said the confused mom. "We have company, and I'm keeping her home."