Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Good morning crew,

The wife and I came this close (and if you could see me right now you would see that I am holding my thumb and index finger about a half inch apart) to buying a house this weekend. It is a beautiful split level with a completely remodeled kitchen and a nice stretch of fenced-in yard, but at the last hour somebody else snuck in a higher bid and the sellers took it.

And it was the last hour, too. We signed the offer at about three in the afternoon and the realtor called us around six that evening to tell us we lost it. If we had signed the offer Friday night instead of Saturday afternoon the chances are very good that the sellers would have accepted it...a detail the wife pointed out to me several times.

But I look at it as a blessing in disguise, because it was the most expensive house we have looked at so far and if we had bought it all we would have been able to afford to do would be sit in it night after night and stare at each other.

And even for people as attractive as my wife is and as charming as I am, that can't last forever without some blood-shed eventually. So those sneaky, no-good scoundrels who stole the house out from under us probably saved our marriage.

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

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Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't put on his pants.

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A couple is in their bedroom. The man says, "Tonight I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

She responds, "I'll miss you."

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Always follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work naked during a fire drill.

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When I was visiting a friend who lived on the edge of a wilderness preserve, we drove along a rutted trail, and we saw a small creek ahead whose bridge was under water.

"We have a serious beaver problem," our friend said. "They build dams that cause the creek to flood. Forest rangers take down the dams, and the beavers rebuild them."

As we got closer, we could see a large scoreboard posted by the bridge.

It read: BEAVERS 3 RANGERS 0


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
The crowd had cornered a woman and was preparing to stone her.

Jesus raised his hand and spoke, "Let he among you who is without sin cast the first stone."

From the back of the crowd a small woman picked up a huge rock and staggered toward to poor victim.

Jesus pointed a finger at her and said, "Stop it MOM! I'm trying to make a point here!"