Monday, July 25, 2011

Good morning crew,

I had promotion testing at the school this weekend. I didn't test myself, but since I trained most of the kids for the test I felt I should be there to give them a little moral support. Everything went pretty well. Nobody failed (although it's pretty hard to fail once the school cashes your check).

I did almost get my arm broken. One of the responsibilities of the black belt assistants is to hold boards for the testers to break. And some of these teenagers can kick pretty hard! One kid completely missed the board I was holding and kicked me right in the forearm below my elbow. I have a giant bruise there now about three inches in diameter. They always get so excited during testing that they lose all sense of control. Teenagers.

However, mine wasn't the worst injury of the afternoon. One of the black belts in kumdo (that's Korean sword style) was doing his test all the way at the end of the day, after all of the kids and teenagers were finished.

He was doing a form that required him to pull his sword (a real sword) out of the scabbard and perform a series of cuts (or swings) before returning it to the scabbard. Unfortunately he had his thumb over where the blade slides out. A rookie mistake for a black best. And he paid for it too. He sliced his thumb right down to the bone.

I won't give you any details, but let's just say it's a good thing I hadn't eaten anything that morning. On the plus side his thumb did not come off, so he was hurried off to the
urgent care facility for stitches.

It's all part of the fun, I guess.

Hey, who is still suffering from the heat wave (or heat dome as the meteorologists are calling it)? We have gotten a small break here in the Chicago area. Last week it was 98 degrees, and this week it's only supposed to be 90. However, if you are planning any outside activities, you might want to pick up a couple of these Neck Chilly personal coolers.

They are selling like hotcakes right now because the things really work. You soak it in cold water for a half hour and then wrap it around your neck before you go out in the heat. Golf, gardening, pretty much anything you do outside is made so much easier and more comfortable with the Neck Chilly keeping you cool. Click the link and check it out!

Order one package for just $2.99 or save more when you order two packs for $4.98! Click: Neck Chilly

Laugh it up,

Joe

joe@gophercentral.com

P.S. We have a *NEW* archive page! You can read newsletters from Clean Laffs to Bizarre News and dozens of titles in between. Years worth of issues! Just check out the link at the right of the page!


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"'Captain America' is set in the 1940s, when people thought smoking was healthy and for breakfast, they would eat bacon smothered in beef fat with a side of asbestos." -Craig Ferguson

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"Borders bookstores announced that it will liquidate its stock and close all of its stores nationwide. I don't think this is what Republicans meant by 'closing our borders.'" -Jimmy Kimmel

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"Philadelphia has a new plan to ticket pedestrians who text without looking up while they walk. As opposed to the previous punishment: lamp posts." -Jimmy Fallon


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As a veterinarian, I was called at home in the middle of the night by a woman in distress. She had swallowed her dog's heart worm pill by mistake. I knew it wouldn't harm her, but by law, I'm forbidden to give medical advice. "If your dog had swallowed your pill, then you'd call me," I explained. "In this case, you really should consult with your own physician."

"But it's one in the morning!" she exclaimed. "I can't wake my doctor."


*-------------- Guaranteed to Roll Your Eyes --------------*
Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on those clipboards attached to the foot of the bed? Here are some incredible comments taken from hospital charts:

"The patient refused autopsy."

"The patient has no previous history of suicides."

"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."

"She is numb from her toes down."

"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."

"Discharge status: Alive but without my permission."